Reality Shows Are The Sucks.

Reality Shows

Yep. Reality shows. They warp the minds of our children and weaken the resolve of our allies. As most of us live an increasingly sedentary lifestyle, reality shows are yet another reason for us to live vicariously through the people in our TV screens. Big and small networks alike are always pushing new reality shows onto the air, though most of these mysteriously disappear by the third episode. Those that do remain for more than one season spawn endless DVDs and other merchandise and become some kind of culture phenomenon. But why reality shows? And why are they so damn popular? Let's look at the word reality:

re·al·i·ty

1.	the state or quality of being real.

2.	resemblance to what is real.

3.	a real thing or fact.

Now everybody and their grandmothers know that 99.9% of reality shows are not real. Especially the ones where it's just a bunch of cameramen following people around, like "The Osbournes" or "House of Carters." Anyone who watches "House of Carters" deserves to be shot by Dick Cheney. If the masses are to have their brains sucked dry by reality shows, which, coincidentally, is happening right now, it should only be from reality show competitions. These reality shows are much more successful and are actually fun to watch. When I think reality show competitions I automatically think of CBS, which is probably the only major network I watch. I'm a fan of Survivor, Big Brother, and Amazing Race. I know that many people are huge fans of America's Next Top Model and maybe the Canadian version of the same show. I know that everybody loves to watch American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. Dancing With The Stars, The Apprentice, Fear Factor, America's Got Talent, Last Comic Standing, etc etc- all other primetime reality shows that've become relatively popular.
While reality shows have somehow become the definition of this generation of TV watchers, we mustn't ignore the cons of reality television. Major networks- CBS, FOX, ABC, NBC, have probably all been guilty at one point or another of "recycling" reality TV ideas, or just simply pitching shows that make most of think, "WTF?" Sometimes, reality programs are just pure crap. How many dancing-related reality shows do we need? How many singing competitions do we need? Look at that one show, "The Biggest Loser" where a bunch of morbidly obese people compete to see who loses the most weight. Tune into NBC tonight to watch fourteen white middle-aged men and women as they sweat profusely and all their fat hang out while they're doing sit-ups and eyeing longingly at the bowl of ice cream in front of them! Way to capitalize on the obese people of America! What about that one show, where a bunch of young, arrogant wanna-bes try to become the next big soap star? Who even watches soap operas? The bottom line is, in this day and time, anyone of us can pitch some really random, maybe stupid reality show idea, and chances are it'll be on tomorrow at 8.

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Darkie's Reality Show Ideas

• A bunch of TV producers are locked inside a house for a month and must come up with the most number of reality show ideas. Oh woops, nevermind, it's already done.
• Real World: Templeton Mini
• Fast animals, slow children. Wait, that was Peter Griffin's idea.
• Dance Dance Revolution: Contestants compete to see who can become the ultimate master of DDR!
• Guitar Hero: A spin off from Dance Dance Revolution! Same idea!
  
• Hunting with Dick Cheney!
• So You Think You Can Be President Of The United States?
• The Tooth Fairy: Contestants take on the role of the tooth fairy and must complete a series of missions that include exchanging children's lost teeth for money. The last person to not get busted by Dateline: To Catch A Predator wins the grand prize!
• Temptation Island: Homosexuals
• Dancing With The Stars In Space
• A group of death row prisoners get tortured, America gets to pick by what method! Text your votes to PAIN0 after the show: 01 for electric shock, 02 for the nail gun, 03 for car battery acid ingestion, 04 for the drowning pool, and 05 for the bed of nails. Whichever contestant fails to die by the end of tonight's show will win $10,000!
• Extreme Makeover: Planet Edition
  
• So You Think You Can Be A Suicide Bomber?
• America's Next Top Drag-Queen

LET'S HEAR YOUR IDEAS.


On a lighter note, remember Milo Turk and his song, "No Sex Allowed"?