Great Moments in Presidential Speeches

I was browsing HuffingtonPost.com tonight and was reminded of a hilarious segment of Late Night with David Letterman called Great Moments in Presidential Speeches. It will serve as a reminder of how much Still President Bush will be missed.













Search these on YouTube and you'll find a lot more clips.

November 4 is here.

A few thoughts drifting through my head as Election Day draws near:

• Optimism, hope, Obama. Anxiety.
• James Carville is scary. He looks like Voldemort.
• Palin presidency is still better than Huckabee presidency. Not by much, however, and I'm not hoping.
• Don't let 500 people decide this election, k?
• The Daily Show/The Colbert Report Election Night Special = epic.
• WHY ISN'T THIS DAMN THING OVER YET?
• Stay far, far away from FOX News Coverage of the election. srsly.
• I don't bite my nails when I'm nervous, but I may take up that habit tomorrow night.
  

This Essay Is Not About Existentialism

Are you aware of the absurdity of your existence? The philosophy of existentialism, which grew in popularity during the middle of the 20th century, is a doctrine that concerns the state of being here. According to the basic beliefs, the individual is alone in a universe that is meaningless and absurd, and the choices that one make, as a completely free human, define the person and create value in the universe. While I do not agree with the more radical tenets of existentialism, I am in favour of the humanist aspect of this philosophy.

The existentialist philosophy of the complete freedom of the human being is a belief that I agree with. Individuals have the freedom to choose and to act on their own whims. They do not necessarily conform with the fixed human nature or the social norm, but these actions and decisions define the individual. One accepts full responsibility for their actions and in doing so create the value in life. Humans, empowered with this freedom, can ultimately change the world. On the other hand, I disagree with the idea of, “Existence precedes essence.” Life has meaning, and it is up to the individual to discover it. I do not believe in, nor am I aware of, the absurdity of existence itself. Common existentialism is atheist, and this contradicts my beliefs. I classify myself as agnostic, not following any particular religion, but believing in some kind of transcendent power. To quote Albert Camus on this subject, “I do not believe in God and I am not an atheist.” Finally, I do not identify with the belief that all individuals are alone in the universe. As participants of society, there exists an emotional, physical, or spiritual bond between all of us that one cannot sever from. In other words, one cannot be truly alone in the universe as society constantly influences one’s choices and actions.

In conclusion, I find that my outlook on life and the state of existing coincides with several tenets of existentialism. Specifically, I agree with the humanist ideas of this philosophy, as there is no superior being or power that can limit the human potential. As free and empowered individuals, we have the authority and responsibility to change the world.

Just Spreadin' The Word

I recently brought some t-shirts from J!NX.com, and I'm very happy with it. They've got clothing for gamers and geeks like myself, anyone with a sense of (Internet) humour, and loads of cool designs. Check it out if you have the time!

After 6 Months It Has Finally Happened...

Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee!

Oh hells yes. I would also like to say that Terry McAuliffe scares me.

Three Cheers for Obama!

I apologize to my non-existent readers for the lack of updates for the last month. I've been too busy not updating this blog.

Anyways, on to the good news:

John Edwards is backing Barack Obama!

WOOYEAH!

Celebrating the End of the World

About a year ago, on April 17, 2007, Nine Inch Nails released "Year Zero" and it completely changed my life. It came about at just the right time in my young life. It was early 2007, and we had just started studying George Orwell's 1984 in English. It marked a transition of focus on myself to focus on the world around me, and its many, many problems. Perhaps it acted as the spark that ignited my previous desires to understand politics and human nature, or what was going on, what was "out there." In other words, it marked the day that I, "Woke up and gave a shit."

I still remember the first bit of news about Year Zero- Trent Reznor made a post on his website: " 'Year Zero' It may be about the end of the world." About a month later, Nine Inch Nails started their European tour. Now, everybody knows that band merchandise is often sold at concerts, like t-shirts and stuff. In this case, a fan noticed that the tour dates on the back of a new t-shirt had certain letters that were printed in a different colour. He took these coloured letters, entered them into Google, and out popped this website.

Soon we found out that Year Zero was the subject of a massive alternate reality game campaign, an idea brought up and paid for by Reznor himself to engage us, the fans. For the next few months the fans searched through every little detail in the websites, videos, songs, audio clips, and even flash drives for a clue in the puzzle. Tiny details in the images present on one website were code for another website that would not be discovered for another month. Mp3s of four of the tracks from Year Zero were placed onto USB keys and left in the bathrooms at the concert venues. Even the video for the first single, "Survivalism" contained clues. Lucky fans in the Los Angeles area also got to engage first-hand in the action when they attended a "resistance" meeting, and an even luckier few were bussed to an undisclosed location and got to experience a private NIN show. The ARG made headlines, and a summary of it all can be found at NINWiki or 42Entertainment, the company that created the campaign.

The album itself is based on Reznor's concept of a future dystopian world. It is set in year 2022. The government has gained full control of the people, there are drugs in the water, there are epidemics throughout the country, Los Angeles and Hollywood has been wiped off the map, and the world is on the brink of death. People are reporting having hallucinations of a massive phantom hand coming down from the sky. The songs and the imagery that they produce all tell this story, from various viewpoints of the people who are experiencing Year Zero.


I'm sitting here listening to Year Zero again for the first time in a while, and all these thoughts and memories are running through my head. And I know, that should the world end, I will sit here and watch the giant hand come down from the black sky and consume everything in existence.

Trent Reznor Has The Music Industry On Its Knees

Unless you have been living under a rock in the Internet blogosphere world, you are most likely aware that a couple of weeks ago the band known as "Nine Inch Nails" released a new, 36-track, instrumental album, titled Ghosts, free of record company management and completely over the Internet. As a hardcore NIN fan, I cannot describe to you how happy this made me feel- The surprise, out of completely nowhere, of a new album; 36 amazing tracks, nearly 2 hours of music; The instrumental soundtrack of daydreams; And the absolute beauty of it all. Right now the album, Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts I-IV, is only available in digital format at their website. You can pay what you want or nothing at all- Go to the site, put in your e-mail, and you get a download link to a .zip file containing the first 9 tracks. Better yet, you can go straight to your Torrent websites and find an official upload.

What makes Ghosts special is the fact that it is 100% Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor. There is no record company involvement whatsoever, and Reznor receives 100% of the profits. Sales figures for Ghosts currently show that Reznor has made over $1 million so far. That includes the sale of 2,500 copies of a limited edition Ghosts deluxe set priced at $300, which sold out in less than two days. This is a kick to the groin for the dying music industry, which has no way to get their hands on this. Reznor's decision to release the new album in this way shows that he has his fans' best interests at heart, and I, as a fan, respect him for that.

Reznor has also released several of the multitrack files for a handful of the songs from Ghosts. Access to these multitrack files allows pretty much anybody with Garageband or AcidPro to remix these songs freely. This is not in any way new to the NINverse- the last work released by Nine Inch Nails was a remix album for Year Zero, and contained a disc with multitracks to every song on the album. Even before that, multitracks were released on the web for the singles from With Teeth.

Just today, Reznor posted a video and announced on his website that he will be taking this Ghosts project to an even higher level. Teamed up with YouTube, he has started a Ghosts Film Festival, in which fans can create their own visuals to accommodate the album. I've posted a video here of Reznor talking about the idea:




If you have time, check out the Ghosts Film Festival, read up on many articles discussing Ghosts, or listen to Ghosts.

The Democratic Race Will Never End

Coming into the March 4 primaries in Texas, Ohio, Vermont, and Rhode Island, the best case scenario, as an Obama supporter, was for Obama to continue his winning streak. All he had to do was win a majority of the delegates in these states and basically secure his nomination in the Democratic Party. As luck would have it, Clinton ended up winning in Texas, Ohio, and Rhode Island, therefore saving her presidential campaign. Obama is still in the lead, however, with 1520 delegates to Clinton's 1424.

So how did Clinton manage to come back after a month-long losing streak? After doing no research whatsoever, I've concluded that this was in some way done by playing the desperate card- desperate, in this case, is referring to her appearance in Saturday Night Live and on The Daily Show the night before Tuesday's primaries. She also circulated some ad that involved her answering the telephone at 3AM in the White House, and apparently that helped, too.

On the Republican side, McCain is the presumptive nominee after Huckabee (finally) dropped out after Tuesday's primaries. Ralph Nader also seems to have declared his bid to run for president, and I have no idea why.

Also, Howard Dean scares me.

Given the Primaries, Prove Obama > Clinton

A Comparison Between The Two Democratic Candidates With No Regards To The Issues They Stand For

As of the timestamp of this post, Barack Obama is in the lead for the Democrats with 1,262 Delegates to Hillary Clinton's 1,213. John McCain is going to win on the Republicans, and I have no idea why Mike Huckabee is still running.

I also picked up the Daily Show's Indecision 2004 DVD from the library today, and wow, you have no idea how much I'm looking forward to Election Night 2008. I have approximately 5.33*10^4 grams of homework to do, so naturally, I'm posting on my blog.

The following is the result of a random brainwave today at around 1:09PM.

In no order whatsoever,
1. "Obama" is a lot more fun to say than "Clinton" or "Hillary"
2. Obama's father was a goat herder. Lol?
3. Obama's face looks much better on a t-shirt. Clinton's face is generally only acceptable to be printed on clothing that is worn during or around Halloween.
4. Barack Hussein Obama: It's in the name. Barack sounds like "Iraq" depending on how you pronounce it, his middle name is Hussein, and Obama of course, sounds like Osama. In other words, he's perfect for America.
5. Barack Obama's Facebook group has 468,554 members. Hillary Clinton's largest group on Facebook has 843,016 members; Unfortunately, that's the Stop Hillary Clinton: (One Million Strong AGAINST Hillary) group. The 1,000,000 Strong For Stephen T Colbert group has 1,388,311 members and once had over 1.5 million members, but he isn't running.
6. Obama does not come with Bill Clinton. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but it sure fills up space.
7. Hillary Clinton is actually the Joker. Thank you for that enlightening fact, Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Therefore, Barack Obama > Hillary Clinton.
QED.

Super Tuesday!

Summary on Thursday.

The election has been moving along quickly recently; While I was away last week, I stayed connected to the real world through The Daily Show in which I learned that Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards had dropped out of the race. That's the end of the "9/11" jokes, but hopefully we haven't seen the last of Giuliani or Edwards. This Tuesday was Super Tuesday, in which primaries were held in twenty-four states and was the make or break for all candidates.



Also, breaking news. Looks like Mitt Romney decided to suspend his campaign for the Republican nomination. John McCain is currently way ahead on the Republican side, unlike the Democrats there is a clear leader in the field. Results as of February 7, 2008, from CNN's Website:

Candidates are vying for the greatest number of delegates. They need a majority of these individuals to choose them for the presidential nomination. Republican candidates need to win a total of 1,191 delegates; Democrats need 2,025 delegates.

McCain is currently in the lead with 714.
Romney is second with 286, but he dropped out today.
Huckabee is still in the race, and he won 181 so far.
Paul, who is somehow still in the race, has 16.

"Mac is back, but Huck is not f***ed."

With the Democrats the race is still too close to call; Edwards dropped out last week, leaving Obama and Clinton. Clinton has secured some major states such as California and New York but it is still to early to pinpoint the winner in the Democratic party.

Clinton is currently in the lead with 1,033 delegates.
Obama is not far behind with 937.

Votes are split evenly between the two; the state of Missouri, for example, had 49% voting for Obama and 48% for Clinton.

Keep up-to-date with the latest Election 2008 news and results from your political news team of choice: CNN, MSNBC, Fox & Friends, or ComedyCentral.

Masterpieces by a Bored High School Student

My recent posts may suggest that I, Darkie, rarely spend time away from being in front of a screen of some kind. I hope that this post may change that belief. You see, in between sleeping, eating, watching TV on the Internet, reading on the Internet, and playing games on the Internet, I sometimes get around to doing other things.

Occasionally, I go to school.

This will be another mini-post; Super Tuesday is tomorrow and I may report on that later. In the meantime, I scanned a bunch of my school work to show off here. I happen to be a dork, and you may happen to find it funny.

Click images for full size.

This is a scan of my Math notebook. My math teacher actually included the "navigator went crazy and jumped overboard" line in the problem, I kid you not. Also, it has absolutely nothing to do with the problem.

I, like many other students, have difficulty concentrating and/or spending more time on the actual test if the teacher happens to include something along the lines of a bonus section at the very end of the test. My Socials tests tend to have some kind of word scramble bonus at the end, while my Accounting tests include the option of drawing a little doodle for an extra mark.
Here is my Physics quiz from two weeks ago. The teacher instructed the class to, if they had time at the end, draw a picture of a "Chicken Vs. Cow Deathmatch." Here is my interpretation, in the form of a first-person shooter. It is supposed to look like Doom, and I am aware that I forgot the ammo bar.

This is a scan of a drawing I had to do for Socials, to show "Representative Democracy." The object of interest here, of course, are the signs that say, "Stewart In '08!" and, "Vote Colbert 2008!" Basically, it's just me showing my dedication as a fan. I also happen to like my little mob of faceless people.

I guess it's taken me a couple of years to realize I can still have fun in school. Oh well. If you have similar drawings or related school work stuff to share, comment and linky please.

Pure, Epic Win.

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart go on Conan O'Brien's show to settle their feud over who created Mike Huckabee. Massive brawling ensues.

Click for epic battle sequence and perfect ending and MIND-BLOWING AWESOME.

What the hell, they don't even have writers.
Sorry for the short post, but I am so happy about this right now.

Bob the Moose: Adventures at Apex!

Hello, readers and fans* of Darkie's Dailies. My name is Bob, and I am a moose. This past week I had the unfortunate fortune of following Darkie on her trip to Apex Ski Resort in Penticton, BC. Although my tiny, furry, moose-y old self did not spend much time outside of a 5m radius from my room at the inn, I enslaved Darkie to write this 432 word photo blog post to record my lovely adventure.
*Currently estimated at two readers.

Aren't I cute?

On the morning of the 29th I was shoved forcefully into Darkie's day pack and dragged the ten blocks to school. At around 8:30 the bus left and I was freed from the dark and damp prison of Darkie's backpack. So, naturally, I took pictures!

Darkie took this photo of me right before we left. I was so excited!

The bus didn't have a DVD player of any kind, so, in need of some amusement, Darkie and her friends decided to abuse the flexibility of my moose body.
This looks like a screen capture straight out of a snuff film. They're twisted my head around here; it's just sick.

After a while they got bored of me and I was zipped up again in Darkie's back pack. There I rested until 3:30 in the afternoon, when we finally arrived at Apex. Of course, Apex was covered in about a foot of snow, so Darkie kept me warm and dry by placing me on the shelf of room 106 in the Silverbullet Inn, right above the fireplace.
I was free to spend my day watching TV, listening to music, or strangling myself with Christmas lights. As I was right above the fireplace, my lovely furry butt was always warm and toasty. Occasionally I had Darkie move me to other places in the inn:
During my time spent in the fridge, I helped myself to a large helping of Nerds. Nothing makes a moose happier than a whole lot of Nerds. I wanted some jello, too, but I couldn't reach it.

And here is the bathroom.

Here is a photo of me of when I actually left the inn:

I wanted to try skiing, but alas, they didn't have moose-sized skis.

My time spent at Apex was so relaxing that I slept during the entire bus ride back to Vancouver, so I apologize for the lack of more photos. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading about my lovely adventure, and I would also like to thank Darkie for helping me to share this with all of you.

~Bob the Moose

Darkie is leaving!

But no worries, she will be back this Friday. In the meantime, check out some of the links on the right side of this blog, and expect a massive post, complete with pictures of a moose, this weekend.

TechTrek @ UBC: Part One

This morning I went to UBC for the first time to take part in a Computer Science workshop for high school students. During my entire six-hour trip, I kept my eyes and ears open, trying desperately to remember as many details as possible so I can blog about it...now.

Global warming freezed my face off today. This coming week I will be skiing in minus twenty weather, you know, with wind chill and everything. But I doubt I will ever feel as cold as I did today, standing on the platform at the Rupert sky train station for a full ten minutes. As I stood on the quiet platform, no noise save the wind and the young woman talking in another language on her cell phone, I could feel the cold even underneath my jacket and sweater. I stared off to my left and wondered, "Why are Millennium line trains so damn slow?" I gazed briefly at the other people who were also waiting for the next train. An elderly Asian man, fidgeting on the bench and trying to stay warm; a large, bald man with a cane; the young woman, still on her cell phone, and who was now pacing the platform; several Asian women; my grandpa.

Finally, the train came and I rode the two stations to Commercial. Wow. For a Saturday morning, it was pretty busy. I'd never taken the 99 B-Line bus before, so the three massive line-ups for the 99 outside Commercial were quite confusing. Then the bus came, and I remembered about the loading method for such busy buses as the 99, so I left the line I was in and went to the first one. I don't know what the carrying capacity of this bus is, but it was super crowded in there. Until we got to Cambie and half the bus got off, my busing experience was pretty terrible- I was standing right behind the driver, holding on to the pole, and this man comes on in front of me. I move back to let him in, but I keep holding onto the pole. He's listening to his music and bouncing up and down to it, so I have no idea if he had any idea that he was squishing my hand. At one point, a lady came on the bus and as she squeezed past me, her purse went right into my stomach. It hurt.


This was probably my first trip into this area of Vancouver, so I got a eyeload of the big, pretty houses and cool shops in this area. At about 9:15AM I arrived at UBC. Now for the most difficult part of the trip: Locating the Hugh Dempster Pavilion in the massive UBC Campus. All I knew was that it was south-south-west of the bus loop. But since I apparently have no spatial ability whatsoever, I take off in the completely wrong direction. Go me. After walking around in what I think was a big circle, I decided to ask people for directions. The first two people I came across had no idea where it was, but third time's the charm, and the nice woman I asked happened to be going to the same place. Lucky me.

She escorted me all the way across the main campus and finally to the Hugh Dempster Pavilion. We chatted a bit, I told her why I was here, and she gave me some advice: Something about differential equations, something about algorithms, how Calculus is fun but has no real application in Computer Science because computer models can do it all, and how probability and statistics is more important. Or something. I thanked her and went inside to check-in.

As luck would have it, I picked up my name-tag from the table and they gave me a little gift: A bright orange carabiner with a time display and a compass. Seriously. I entered the partially filled lecture hall and sat down. No one that I knew was there, but the room was eventually filled with, mostly, parents and boys. I think there were about nine girls there. The lecture was very interesting and I learned a lot about how CS has changed how we think and solve problems. We also had a presentation from two guys who work at EA, and at the end they gave out prizes to those who could answer questions about the presentation and EA. The prizes ranged from pens, to laundry bags (?), to actual games. I didn't know anything, so I didn't win anything.


At about 11:10 we had a break. We were escorted into the lobby of the building across from the Dempster Pavilion, and there were snacks and refreshments for everybody. Twenty minutes later, we were led by volunteers, I think, to the "hands-on workshop." We got a taste of some basic programming with StarLogo, so for about an hour I busied myself with making my little colourful turtles run across my screen and make pretty, rainbow-rific patterns. I had a whole lotta fun, and we were dismissed at about 12:35. I also received a pen and a bunch of pamphlets.

Fortunately, I had little trouble finding the bus loop again. I managed to secure myself a comfortable window seat this time around, and thoroughly enjoyed my ride back to Commercial station. The highlight of this part of my trip was the variety of shops and restaurants that we passed. There was a shop called " .the butcher. " ...no idea what they sell; A cute and very pink clothing store with no apparent name, just a big, fat cupcake; and another meat store called, "Vera's Meats" with the tag line, "You can't beat Vera's meat." But yeah, I finally got home just after 2PM.

I had a lot of fun today and I learned lots, can't wait to go back to the next two sessions.

MMORPGs and Me.

How you and I can have our lives sucked out by video games.

I have played a variety of Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (phew!) in my short lifetime. I've spent countless days and hours in front of my computer, compulsively trying to level up my character. Killing mobs of monsters, running through dungeons, selling items to buy better armour- it's all in a day's work in a MMORPG. Today I feel inclined to share and discuss some of these games that I've played or am playing, because I am a restless teenager who likes video games, and because I want to blog about something.

WORLD OF WARCRAFT.

That's right, WoW. This Blizzard masterpiece allows players to take part in a war between two sides, the Alliance and the Horde. You can pick from a variety of races including Orcs, Night Elves, Dwarves, Undeads, and of course, Humans. Depending on what race you choose, you can also be a Druid, Paladin, Warlock, Warrior, or whatever. Once you create your character you are immediately placed into the massive playing environment of WoW, and you can now level up, complete quests, gain new skills and have fun. There are plenty of new places to explore, from Zones consisting of lush forests, to snow-capped mountains, to barren, desert-like landscapes.

I first started playing World Of Warcraft about a month ago, and was hooked within minutes. It wasn't like anything I ever played before, and I thoroughly enjoyed learning how to play this game. My favourite aspect of WoW is that, unlike other games, the ideal way of levelling up is through the completion of quests. I love doing quests in MMORPGs, and the fact that WoW seems to have endless quests simply fills me with glee.

RAGNAROK ONLINE

This nifty game created by Korean GRAVITY Co. allows players to pick from a variety of job classes and has great PVP events. There's a storyline, I think. But mostly you just click around, spam skills, and level up. Dungeons are excellent training areas, but there are little to no quests.
Yes, I've played it. I've played a variety of private servers; My first RO experience was on Ragnarok Frontier, which had rates of 2/2/2. I had a level 7x Knight, I used a spear, I rode a Peco and my stats were pretty messed up. Regardless, I joined guilds and took part in the bi-weekly War Of Emperium events, in which guilds battle it out to gain control of a castle. My experience of Frontier was excellent; there was a strong sense of community and I learned how to play RO.
Then my brother, who often watched me play RO, wanted to try the game himself. I downloaded DarkRO for him, which was a high-rate server with custom classes and such. I never played on that server, but my brother seemed to enjoy it. Since then, I've played a number of medium rate servers. Next month I'll be playing on EternityRO, or at least I plan to.

MAPLE STORY

Oh, the joys of making your cute little character jump around and destroy monsters! Maple Story allows you to choose from Warrior, Mage, Hunter, and Thief jobs, and a whole lot of items, monsters, and quests. Though this game seems to be targeted at a younger crowd, people of all ages would enjoy the side-scrolling fun of bashing mobs of monsters with a group of friends. Also, fourth jobs and riding mounts just came out in MapleGlobal, so get playing!
I currently have a level 48 page, who sucks.




RUNESCAPE (?)

Yes, I'm serious. This game is great for the casual RPG players who do not wish to download a massive game file to their computer, as Runescape plays in your web browser. There is really no point to the game, the graphics are as simple as they come, and there is no way that you can screw up your character. You just point, click, and repeat. To keep up with the Internet tradition in which bloggers must humiliate themselves in any way possible, I will admit here that I have a ridiculously high level character on Runescape. And no, you may not have it.

Depending on how your brain is wired, you may find that these games are the most satisfying and fun, or you may find them to be wastes of time. For me, it happens that I enjoy doing the same small tasks over and over, so naturally, I like playing these games. On a final note, if you have time to kill, try playing some of these MMORPGs.

BTW, biggest monster of all MMORPGS = LAG.

Movie: Juno

Last Saturday I opted to not spend my entire day playing World of Warcraft (more on that on a later date), and instead went out for a day with a couple of my friends to see Juno. The outing wasn't my idea- I wanted to see Cloverfield, but I also did not wish to be the one, tiny girl in a theatre filled with college-aged men.* This was a rare occasion for me, in that I actually did not see the trailer for Juno until the morning before I left.



The plot is simple: A teenage girl gets pregnant, and has to figure out what to do with the baby. But the writing and acting is excellent; Ellen Page who stars as the title character is a phenomenal young actress and the movie is nominated for a number of Academy Awards. You will laugh, you may cry, and you can bring your parents along, too. Seriously. Just go see it.

*As concluded by the massive line-up on opening weekend.

South Carolina Primary

First of all, I would like to say that I disagree with pretty much everything that Huckabee stands for, but this former Arkansas governor is endorsed by Chuck Norris,


AND is a friend of my hero, Stephen Colbert,


Therefore, he is cool.

Anyways, the results for the South Carolina primary are in, and Huckabee managed to come in second to John McCain, with 30% of votes to McCain's 33%. His second place finish is remarkable because he pretty much has no money compared to, say, Mitt Romney, who has about $60 million funding his campaign and came in fourth.

Of course, one may argue that I only care about this particular primary because Stephen Colbert was rejected when he tried to get on the Democratic ballot last year.

This is a short post because I have a truck load of homework to do, including about six different drawings about the Canadian government that I may not post here. ;D In the meantime, keep up to date with election news with a satirical viewpoint at Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 blog. Very funny stuff.

Reality Shows Are The Sucks.

Reality Shows

Yep. Reality shows. They warp the minds of our children and weaken the resolve of our allies. As most of us live an increasingly sedentary lifestyle, reality shows are yet another reason for us to live vicariously through the people in our TV screens. Big and small networks alike are always pushing new reality shows onto the air, though most of these mysteriously disappear by the third episode. Those that do remain for more than one season spawn endless DVDs and other merchandise and become some kind of culture phenomenon. But why reality shows? And why are they so damn popular? Let's look at the word reality:

re·al·i·ty

1.	the state or quality of being real.

2.	resemblance to what is real.

3.	a real thing or fact.

Now everybody and their grandmothers know that 99.9% of reality shows are not real. Especially the ones where it's just a bunch of cameramen following people around, like "The Osbournes" or "House of Carters." Anyone who watches "House of Carters" deserves to be shot by Dick Cheney. If the masses are to have their brains sucked dry by reality shows, which, coincidentally, is happening right now, it should only be from reality show competitions. These reality shows are much more successful and are actually fun to watch. When I think reality show competitions I automatically think of CBS, which is probably the only major network I watch. I'm a fan of Survivor, Big Brother, and Amazing Race. I know that many people are huge fans of America's Next Top Model and maybe the Canadian version of the same show. I know that everybody loves to watch American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. Dancing With The Stars, The Apprentice, Fear Factor, America's Got Talent, Last Comic Standing, etc etc- all other primetime reality shows that've become relatively popular.
While reality shows have somehow become the definition of this generation of TV watchers, we mustn't ignore the cons of reality television. Major networks- CBS, FOX, ABC, NBC, have probably all been guilty at one point or another of "recycling" reality TV ideas, or just simply pitching shows that make most of think, "WTF?" Sometimes, reality programs are just pure crap. How many dancing-related reality shows do we need? How many singing competitions do we need? Look at that one show, "The Biggest Loser" where a bunch of morbidly obese people compete to see who loses the most weight. Tune into NBC tonight to watch fourteen white middle-aged men and women as they sweat profusely and all their fat hang out while they're doing sit-ups and eyeing longingly at the bowl of ice cream in front of them! Way to capitalize on the obese people of America! What about that one show, where a bunch of young, arrogant wanna-bes try to become the next big soap star? Who even watches soap operas? The bottom line is, in this day and time, anyone of us can pitch some really random, maybe stupid reality show idea, and chances are it'll be on tomorrow at 8.

...

Darkie's Reality Show Ideas

• A bunch of TV producers are locked inside a house for a month and must come up with the most number of reality show ideas. Oh woops, nevermind, it's already done.
• Real World: Templeton Mini
• Fast animals, slow children. Wait, that was Peter Griffin's idea.
• Dance Dance Revolution: Contestants compete to see who can become the ultimate master of DDR!
• Guitar Hero: A spin off from Dance Dance Revolution! Same idea!
  
• Hunting with Dick Cheney!
• So You Think You Can Be President Of The United States?
• The Tooth Fairy: Contestants take on the role of the tooth fairy and must complete a series of missions that include exchanging children's lost teeth for money. The last person to not get busted by Dateline: To Catch A Predator wins the grand prize!
• Temptation Island: Homosexuals
• Dancing With The Stars In Space
• A group of death row prisoners get tortured, America gets to pick by what method! Text your votes to PAIN0 after the show: 01 for electric shock, 02 for the nail gun, 03 for car battery acid ingestion, 04 for the drowning pool, and 05 for the bed of nails. Whichever contestant fails to die by the end of tonight's show will win $10,000!
• Extreme Makeover: Planet Edition
  
• So You Think You Can Be A Suicide Bomber?
• America's Next Top Drag-Queen

LET'S HEAR YOUR IDEAS.


On a lighter note, remember Milo Turk and his song, "No Sex Allowed"?

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This blog will be a collection of interesting, amusing, or bizarre things that I come across on the Internet, television, or elsewhere. Links and videos will be interspersed throughout stories and my own satirical opinions and reviews of various subjects. The blog will cover a range of topics from the latest in music to American politics, and everything else that I am interested in. My goal is to have fun and be humorous while practicing writing.